Sage Smudge Stick

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PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE HAVE TO COME CORRECT OR NOT AT ALL. EVEN IF THEY DO, YOU HAVE CHOICES.

Question what it is that you want for yourself in life. People will try to trick or convince you otherwise from your own inner knowing. If your intuition tells you someone is being manipulative or giving off mixed signals of any kind, don't be afraid to either confront or move on to find your happiness on your own and with people who are honest and genuine. If these people are your family, remember that family is practice and as an adult, if you are at a higher vibration than your family you can find those who vibrate at the same level as you. You can create your own family or be on your own. Either way, you are never alone even though at times you may feel that way. Self-love is more important and even though it is hard to let them go, letting go will free you of their deceptive nature.

 Here is a list of things you may intuitively feel if someone is being stand-offish or has in and out energy for whatever reason:


EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

Respect will be one-way. The person who demands respect won't be giving you any because it is believed to be a right. Parents will sometimes do this to their children. They may feel just because they gave birth to their children that they have the right to treat them any way they want while requiring respect.

Shutting down communication. They’ll ignore your attempts at conversation in person, by text, or by phone as a way to control or possibly withhold information.

Dehumanizing you. They’ll look away when you’re talking. If blinking their eyes quickly while looking away and talking they may be lying about something.

Keeping you from socializing. They will try to keep you away from others.

Trying to come between you and your family. The same as keeping you from socializing, this includes family members.

Withholding affection. Refusal of sexual relations to punish you until a demand is met.

Tuning you out. Just ignore you. This is common in relationships. Instead of talking it out, they just walk out on your or give you the silent treatment.

Actively working to turn others against you. They will gossip negatively about you to create enemies.

Calling you needy.  We do need to be independent but everyone needs support from family, friends, and community sometimes. Asking for support is not needy. It is being vulnerable and being able to show vulnerability makes you strong and humble.

Interrupting. They demand your attention when you are focusing on something or someone else.

Indifference. An unemotional response to your cry for help.

Disregarding your feelings. What you feel won't matter to them. Your feelings are not taken into consideration or will say the feelings you have are not true feelings.


DENIAL

Jealousy just by being you. Yes, people get jealous of that. 

Turning the tables. It's on you, not them or one-way street on your end, not theirs. "I didn't say anything. You said blah, blah, blah."

Denying something you know is true is called gaslighting. They make you question your own memory.

Using guilt. Playing the blame game and saying you owe them. 

Provoke to blame. They start the trouble and blame you for starting it.

Denying their abuse. baffled that you are even accusing them of abuse when it is actually true.

Accusing you of abuse. Blaming you of anger issues when fighting back from the abuse. They will be playing the victim.

Trivializing. They will act very casual about a situation like it is not a big deal when it actually is.

Saying you have no sense of humor. Offensive jokes you don't find funny.

Blaming you for their problems. Everything that is wrong in their life is your fault. They will complain every day to let you know or not forget it.

Destroying and denying. Breaking your things and blaming you for it.


CONTROL

Threats. Being revengeful and telling you what they will do if you don't do what they say.

Monitoring your whereabouts. Texting you all day asking what you are doing.

Digital spying. Delete your web browsing history cause they will try to invade your privacy. If not digital, get a bolt lock on your door, and only you have the key.

One-sided decision-making. They make decisions for you without asking.

Financial control. An allowance and no personal bank account of your own to save money. Money = freedom to be independent. 

Lecturing you to make you seem childish or beneath them.

Direct orders.  They want you to do it now. If you take your time they become impatient, start yelling and try to force you.

Outbursts of anger cause you didn't do something.

Treating you like a child. They pick out your clothes. 

Insincerity. You ask for help and they deny you help by saying it is best to ask someone else even though you know they are able to help you.

Unpredictability.  Moody behavior. You don't know what they will do next.

They walk out to keep the problem unresolved.

Using others against you as a means to control your behavior.

Monopolizing conversations so you have no say. Your opinion is inferior to theirs.


HUMILIATION

Name-calling. I have heard the word "Bitch" used too lightly. Who wants to be called that?

Derogatory “pet names.” Like I said, the word "Bitch" is not an endearing word.

Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. Basically, they say you’re not a good person.

Yelling talking over you to have dominance.

Patronizing. Underestimating you with superior or snobbish behavior.

Public embarrassment. Fighting with you in public to humiliate you in front of others.

Dismissiveness. Rolling eyes or you tell them something important and they make it seem like no big deal.

Joking only to make fun of you to lower self-esteem.

Sarcasm. This kind of humor I never liked. It's complaining basically. If someone is being sarcastic about you and say I was only joking, they are being shady.

Insults of your appearance. They call you fat or insult something about your appearance to lower your self-esteem. 

Dismissing your accomplishments. They don't congratulate you or are happy for you.

Put-downs of your interests. They say it is a waste of time because you won't be able to stick with it anyway.

Pushing your buttons. Don't let them know what annoys you cause they will use it most of the time to cause problems.


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